Friday, June 27, 2008

Irony, Fertility, & Lessons to Learn

Clearly, I have no idea of what the Universe wants from me. I just don't get it. Have I put out so much fertility energy around me that all of the women in my life who don't want to become pregnant are doing just that???

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for three years now. Even with fertility treatments. We baffled the doctors! They don't understand what is going on in my body. We think we would be great parents- we know we won't be perfect, but we know we will do whatever it takes to raise happy and healthy kids. But yet, we can't seem to get pregnant.

And all around us, couples that we know are getting pregnant left and right. Couples that didn't really want to be pregnant in the first place. One couple already has two children between them from different relationships. Another couple is having marriage troubles, and the wife got pregnant, had a miscarriage and never told the husband any of it. Our next door neighbor's son and girlfriend got pregnant unexpectedly this year. And now, my best friend, who doesn't really want to be pregnant yet just told me this morning that she is 8 weeks pregnant. That makes her baby a Beltane baby. I was sure that Chris and I would get pregnant at Beltane this year. All the spiritual work we have done pointed directly there. I am happy for her...when I first heard the news, I smiled and was so excited...but now I am just sad and confused for us. It just seems so convoluted and mixed up. Why are Chris and I disconnected from all of this? My heart is breaking and I don't know where to put all of this emotion and negative thought that is running around in my head. What do I do with this information?


Post a Comment

<< Home